Is It about We, or Me?

"This is the ultimate challenge for those wanting a truly great relationship--

how do I remain "me" while having a deep, intimate relationship with 'you'?"

(John & Linda Friel, The 7 Best Things Happy Couples Do)

I coach a lot of marriages where one spouse does more "me," and the other does more "we." What gets lost is how the whole choice is a false dichotomy. It's not an either/or--the best spouses find a way to strengthen themselves, and their marriages, at the same time.

It all starts with a different pronoun. The way forward is neither "me" nor "we"; the way forward is a strong "I". As in:

  • "I'm choosing to go out with my friends one night this week, because doing so helps me be more fully present with you the other six." Or:

  • "I'm choosing not to go out with my friends tonight because I really just wanna be with you." Or, how about this one:

  • "I apologize for my harsh words in our recent fight," (even if your partner hasn't done so first). Or, if you dare:

  • "I know we've got a lot going on, but I can't help it: I've been thinking all day about kissing you all night..."

(Yes, that's the sound of baby-making music in the background.)

Peace begins with a pause,



Recent Posts

See All

The Best Spectacles for Obstacles

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals." (Unknown) You know you're improving as a golfer when, as you take aim at the green, you don’t even see the water

A Magic Wand for the World

"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” (William Ellery Channing) If you had a magic wand, one which could change the world’s thinking abo

The Worst That Can Happen

"It’s a huge step forward to realize that the worst thing to happen is never the event, but the event and losing your head." (Ryan Holiday) You’re facing a financial deficit, for instance, and you’r

Contact Info

Tel: 678-672-6410

Email: ​

  • Facebook Social Icon
  • LinkedIn Social Icon
  • YouTube Social  Icon

Site designed by Brendan Kaplan