"Be like a duck: calm on the surface, but paddling like the dickens underneath." (Michael Caine)
Remaining calm, yet connected, in the midst of conflict is challenging, taxing, and therefore, rare. It is also only possible for a human brain to accomplish.
Ironically, there's a fantastic example from the animal kingdom that provides a perfect metaphor for what the process can feel like.
Like a duck, gliding smoothly across the water, things appear graceful on the surface. Beneath the surface, however, they're paddling "like the dickens" to move themselves forward.
Staying calm and connected means working hard on the inside to control your outsides. Being calm doesn't mean ducking conflict, though; it means controlling your emotions so you can handle it like a human.
(Okay, I call fowl on myself for taking the metaphor too far. But don't bill me for your grievances, though.)