All love is tough

I'm not a fan of the phrase "tough love." It's usually uttered when parents or partners are finally "drawing boundaries" with their loved ones in an effort to change their behavior.

How it comes across is this: "I'm going to change my behavior in order to show you how you need to change yours. And I'm doing this because I know better what you need to do."

Let's all get this through our heads: No one can change another's behavior. Only individuals can change their own behavior.

This is actually the tough part of love, risking being close to someone we know we cannot change. This means all love is tough...on the one giving it.

Does this mean we never have an influence on others? Of course not! But the first rule of influencing others is to completely give up on trying to control them. Especially if you're calling it love.

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Site designed by Brendan Kaplan